Only in my thoughts
by Lita21
Summary: Deidara muses about when, and why, his attraction to a pink haired ninja became something else. DeiSaku


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto.

A/N: **Thank you so much!, **to all the people who read my first story, and **specially**, to the ones who made some time to write reviews! This is dedicated to you!

_Only in my thougths._

Deidara was a very, very, observant men (in his humble opinion, of course). That´s way he still couldn´t figure it out (even after all this time), why, for christ sake!, he hadn´t seen _her _coming. Really, she syands out like a noen sign in the dark, he should have known better.

At first, he hadn´t seen her as anything more then a mere girl, with very common chakra reserves (in other words, nothing impressive), who´s best talent was her capacity to shout, and throw tantrums at him (something he secretely enjoyed), when she felt angry, scared or fustrated. At least, and he could give her this much, she was a decent medic-nin.

He really didn´t want to be near her, but his mission required to spend time with her (since everyone else was suddenly busy in long, dangerous mission, damn bastards!). And all went down hill from there to him. She sneaked her way into his mind, and catched his atention. He realized she wasn´t just a girl, but a grown women with childish tendencies (just like him), and her abilities were far better then he expected ( much to his annoyance).

So, he started observing her better, trying to understand the sudden attraction he felt towards her (complicating his life), and after some time, he knew she liked to read ( too much, for everyone peace of mind), she bited her lower lip when she was in deep thought, she squirmed when nervous or uncomfortable (much to his amusement), and she seemed to glow when she did something that she liked ( captivating to see, not that she would ever know). After all of his investigation, he realized his so called attraction could grow into something more bigger, more complicated, more... dangerous, and he didn´t need more danger and pain in his life).

So he tried to severe it. Being as far away as possible and as cold to her as possible.

But she was a women after all,a smart one at that ( something he still cursed, specially when he realized he did exactly what she wanted him to do) ,and he had clearly underestimated her, and because of this, she win him over.

Time passed, and eventually, more sooner then later, her first mission came. He knew she wasn´t ready, but he couldn´t approach her. He would have wanted to hold her, and help her face those ever present fears, but orders, where orders, and it was something she had to do by herself...by her own will.

So he avoided her, hardly paying her attention, and ignoring the fear and hurt reflected in those green eyes, and continued to do so until she left. Without a word from him.

And he did the only thing he could. He waited. Waited for her, watching time pass by with agonizing slowness, without been able to concentrate on anything else, without getting any rest nor sleep, (the tempting darkness that taked over him and washed away his troubles, even for a little time), without eating, because he felt too empty, the kind of emptyness that leaves you full of anything but that deep, endless void. His mind didn´t help either. It keep producing dark questions by it´s own will, increasing his distress; _¿ Why is she taking so long? ¿Is she dead? ¿ Will she return? ¿Did she betray us? ¿Did she betray **me**?, _and so it went, and just when he couldn´t take it anymore, and was contemplating going after her ( How dare she! keeping him so worried!), she came back.

Dirty, tired and ready to faint at any second, but it was her, she came back to him, and that was all it matters. Every ugly thing he was about to say vanished, and instead, he talked in a soft tone to her, and help her clean herself and eat.She was to lost in her own world to do it by her own. In fact, she looked like a doll. Easy to move, but with an exasperating stillnes. He snapped right then, and he slapped her hard, in an attempt to bring her out of her stupor. And it succeded, because the next thing he felt was a throbbing pain in the left side of his face. He standed a lot of screaming, silently supporting her in her cry, and stayed with her all night long, leaving only a few moments before she woke up. That was a long night too.

He came to terms with his feelings and acknowledged the truth: He was beyond the point of wanting her. He _need_ her (Her everchanging moods, her sarcastic remarks, her warmth, her smile, that simple and clean smile, the one who made him smile back and helped him fight his own demons). She was his reason, his weakness.

And know, after so long, she never stopped to surprise him.

They were currently watching the sunset, something they both enjoyed, and did often.

When do we leave?- She asked

Tomorrow-He said, without looking at her

And your coming with me in the next mission,hmn- He added as an after thought

I know you love me, but you have to learn to restrain yourself- She teased, turning to look at him with a mischiveous smile

"You wish"

You can´t leave without me- was her reply, in a half serious, half teasing voice

Do not insult my tastes-was his final reply, and in a fast motion he stole her a kiss and standed up (before she could react), all the while, a smile was forming on his lips.(No, I could not..But you will never know), was his last thought, before he started running for his life.


End file.
